The ultimate autumn

Kids complain about heavy homework
Youngsters grieve over heartbreaks
Adults stress about rising responsibilities
For all of them
there are solutions – patience, hope & courage
Because “Things can get better with time, with effort”
But what about yours?
You smile with a sigh
And say “Some things get better only when they end”
“Living 80s is such a thing.”

The woman who used to cook
fifteen dishes to satisfy the tastebuds
of eight members of her family,
now needs someone to serve food to her
The man who used to market
groceries, dresses, toys, books, fruits
after his daylong duty
without an iota of hesitation
just to bring loads of smiles to his tiny family,
now waits for someone to give him medicine
The woman who spread her love and care
The man who struggled to complete his duty
throughout life
now feels like turning into a liability
That feeling makes your heart heavy
as if all the weight of your bones
has been transferred to your heart
You think
“What happens to the bird
who doesn’t trust its wings anymore
after being a friend with the sky for years!”
“Does the bird start unloving the sky
or stop fearing the gunshots of hunter
& breaking of the branch!”

You want someone to listen to you
That someone can be anyone
Because the choice of audience
is a right, a reward, a royalty
meant for good speakers
And good speakers carry volume
in their words, in their talks
Here the wind passing between
those two teeth left in your mouth
makes all your advice & experience
sound too light to be taken seriously
You begin accepting the harshness
of this millennial generation
How the music of ambitions, competitions
merriment & achievements
have become so loud that
your box of stories only
feels like a noise
But is it easy to accept the truth that
the children to whom
you had first taught how to talk
now find difficulty
in understanding your language,
in fact in understanding you!

Your cataract-operated eyes
don’t let you find light & rainbow everywhere
Still, you can read that extra line
that gets drawn on the forehead of your son
when he is tensed
You don’t decode things in one go anymore
until the other person says it aloud repeatedly
With each repetition,
their exasperation expands a lot more
and your curiosity about things, people & places
shrivels a little more
Still, you can hear the silence
of your daughter staying miles away
The word “Future” now makes sense to you
only when it is suffixed with “generation”
All you have is the luggage of past
and some satisfaction & some disappointment
hanging from that luggage
tickling your present

“Life in your 80s” is a beautiful sad poetry
Poetry that bleeds like an open wound
It can be seized
neither with the bandage of hope
nor with antiseptic of intrepidity
It bleeds
It bleeds
until a fullstop finds
the address of your breath
And now you embrace this guest
without shooing it away
without hiding yourself
like you used to do before
maybe now you too wish to settle
in a new home, in a different world
and you know that
the road which can make you reach there
is known only to this guest
And you pray, you wait
every single day
for its arrival
so that you can hold its hand tightly
and depart early
towards a destination,
completely undiscovered till now
but wholeheartedly desired for now
People say autumn ends in November
And you think sometimes spring
doesn’t appear after autumn
You become ready to welcome
the “December of your life”


3 thoughts on “The ultimate autumn

  1. SMiLes Dear Ruchi We Only Live
    And Die Alive to Be Reborn As

    Love And Peace So Warm to
    Give Share Care Heal For

    Free With Most Respect
    And Least Harm December

    Is the New Hope Sadly Youthful Spring

    For Many Has Become the Loneliest Place

    (As We Become More Tools We Use Than Human)

    oF all With Depth of Human Warmth that True Time

    And Age Need Not Erase in Summer Colors For It’s True When i Am Ice Cold

    Then Now And 47 My Great Aunt Jettie Who Could Barely Walk Bent Over With

    Walker at 94 IS SPiRiT of Warmth

    Within And SMiLew With No

    Age True No NuMBeRS of

    Living Death Not Nearly

    As FRoZeN As me at 47

    A Spirit With Barely A Breath

    Of Emotions to Complete Even
    A Sentence of Warmth to Give and
    Share And Care And Yes Heal With

    Most Respect and Least Harm as Dear

    Old Aunt Jettie Fully Able to Do at 94

    She Just Could Hardly Walk With the Help of
    A Walker Then Yet She Developed The Ability

    to Feel Her Back Pain Away True More than Word Think

    The Meditation of Soul Feeling Sensing Healing Deep Within

    All i Was Then
    Just Pain and Numb
    From Head to Toe All
    The Warmth of Love and
    Peace No WHere to Be Found
    Within to Give Share Care Heal
    With Most Respect and Least Harm

    Like Dear Old Ever Youthful Wings of
    Soul Dear Old Aunt Jettie Who Could Sing

    In Poetic Tones of Memories in A Life Well Spent

    For Hours


    So Warm to
    Give Away For Free

    Yet i With Barely the
    Breath of one Word

    Valuable Lessons my FRiEnD
    Indeed to Look Forward One Day

    to Getting Old in Numbers And Perhaps

    Human Again Enough to Inhale Peace
    Exhale LoVE iN JoY

    oF LiGHT

    With A Twinkle

    Even in An Eye

    Barely Able to See

    Yet Depths of ALL
    Soul of Peace and Love

    RiSinG to Warm Coldest oF FRoZeN SoULS

    It’s all Relative my FRiEnD SMiLes As Long As i Smile



    i Am Only
    Afraid of Living Dead Again

    In Feeling i am Not Afraid at All for i Smile New Now…

    In ‘Real Life’ i Will And Do Warm People Without Even
    Words Without Even Dance and Song Indeed There is LiGHT

    In SoUL
    ALL Measure
    to Give Share
    Care Heal For All
    With Most Respect

    And Least Harm

    Indeed ‘Prayer’ Far Beyond
    Words And Only Human Form For Real…

    Science Will Never Measure God at Least
    When God Is
    Real mY



    LoVE iN Peace
    As We Become Leaves
    Yes Living Trees Forest
    Whole Waves Dancing
    Singing Ocean Complete Water

    Falling From SKeYeS Upon All Souls Alive..:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hii oldish young man! I’m too late this time to receive the smiles you had sent. They have become almost one month old😝but still afresh
      And your story is the perfect illustration of how age can retrograde, how strength can move forward with time.
      Keep dancing dear & stay healthy for 40 years more🕺💪🙌

      Liked by 1 person

      1. SMiLes Dear Ruchi i’ve Learned So Much
        About Perspective of Life in 62 Years Yes

        Of Course Not Speaking on the Autism
        Spectrum till Four All the Bullying That

        Comes When The Words Come Out Stuttering
        After That And You Are Assessed By Your Peers

        Young in Middle School As Being Too Weak, Too
        Strange, Too Ugly, And Even Confused For Being

        A Girl When You Are A Boy

        As Vicki on the Bus Taunts
        You On the Way Home About

        You Having Blue to Green Eyes
        And Long Eyelashes Like a Girl

        In Chorus With the Other Kids on the
        Bus When the Only FRiEnD Outside of
        Family You Feel You Really Have is A Mixed
        Breed of Dachshund Dog Yes Who Manages to

        Escape the Fenced in Yard Yet Doesn’t Make
        it As You Look Out The Window Trying To Escape
        The Taunts And Bullying For Looking Different From

        Their “Norm” And Sadly Charlie the Dachshund is Laying

        On the Side of the Road And He isn’t Coming Back Home

        Yet On the Other Hand

        You Don’t Have to
        Spend the Rest

        of Your Life

        Looking For Where He Went
        How Fortunate i am to Have a
        Mother And Sister To Cry With me
        About That Not All Children Have
        Even That Much Support At Home

        Yet Even Worse Not All Humans Are
        Able to Cry Tears of Comfort To Come
        Again in Fact As Mentioned Before Sadly

        Humans May Experience The Worst Pain
        to Humankind Like me For 66 Months

        That No Drug Will Touch Wake to Sleep

        It’s True the Pain Took Effective Use of my
        Eyes and Ears Away As the Pain Was in my
        Right Eye and Ear No Longer Useful to See and Hear

        Anyway Words or Music at All Until about 33 Months in
        i Could Tolerate the Pain to Start Writing online to Escape
        The Suicide Disease Then Yes on Thanks Giving Day 2010 on a Place
        Named ‘The Wrong Planet’ Online Then Yes That Was 14 MiLLioN
        Words and 12 Years ago Consecutively Writing Still Now Trying to Escape

        Suicide Disease First
        Now Just Writing
        in Heavenly Bliss
        of FLoWinG SMiLEs
        in Free Poetic Response to Folks
        All Around the World i’ve never

        Been Able to Tolerate Touching Most
        Human Made Stuff Another ‘Side Effect’ on the Autism
        Spectrum And Symptom Along With Extreme Empathy

        Feeling All the Pain And Even Happiness of the World
        All Around me too True Losing That and the Feeling of A Smile

        The Worst Pain oF All i Could Ever Imagine Still Now That i Live

        in Heaven
        of SMiLES
        Again Okay

        Mark-Off Hearing
        Seeing And Touching
        Most Human Made Stuff
        Spending A lot of my Life
        With Hands Closed in Aversion to Touch

        Yet That Wasn’t the End of the Bruising From
        Nature Yet as Back in 2017 Well Before Covid-19
        i Lost Smell And Taste To Some Kind of Uncommon
        Cold of Virus then That Spring And Then on the
        Solar Eclipse Day (i’ve got a really good
        Memory Nice Benefit of the Autism
        Actually) on August 21st, 2017

        Oh Dear Lord Smell Came Back
        Yet What May Happen When Our
        Nerve Cells Die From a Virus Attack

        in our Nose is Our Mind Has to Learn
        to Smell Again and What is often A Suicide
        Disease For Many Folks too is When the Smell

        Comes Back Like Everything Smelling Like Rotting Flesh

        Well True i Already Lost the Feeling of A Smile or Even the
        Warmth Petting A Cat or Dog i Lost A Child Ryan After 51 Days
        to Only Pain And Numb Too Taking His Last Heart Beat in my Arms

        As He Never Got to Breathe on His Own at All Never A Smile Only

        Pain of 51 Days Death A Greatest Blessing in Life For Him True That

        Gave me Perspective To SuRiVE iN HeLL ON EartH in Worst Pain and
        Numb From Wake to Sleep For 66 Months No Drug Would Touch
        As at Least i Felt
        A Smile Once

        in my Life
        And Ryan
        my Child
        And Only
        Son Did Not…

        Born in 1997 Like
        You As We’ve Had
        This Part of my Life
        Shared Already too

        It Took a Whole Year
        Before Most Smells Turned
        Back to Normal Yet Honestly

        Everything Smelling Like Rotting
        Flesh Was A Piece of Cake Still With

        Icing in Heaven As i Still had A Feeling of
        A Smile the Warmth From the Pet of a Cat
        And Wow Even the Warmth of A Hug From my Wife

        As None of that
        Was Even Organically
        Possible in HeLL ON EartH
        Within as 7 Years of Chronic
        to Acute Work Related Stress

        Destroyed Most Every Bodily
        System i Had Except for the

        Loss of Smell and Taste

        Just An Uncommon
        Cold Would Do me
        in Later Several

        Years For That
        Bruise From Nature Real

        You Know What You Feel What
        You Sense What Dear FRiEnD

        Wherever i Go in Real Life With
        my Wife to Public Dance Wherever
        i Go too Just for this Gift and Miracle
        of Life i Enjoy Now Commonly People

        Say Just The Sight
        of Us Coming

        in A Store

        Makes them
        Happy Yet They Don’t

        See me in Hell For 66 Months
        And my Wife Literally Banging
        Her Head on a Wall Having to
        Live With the Living Dead then

        Yet Staying


        As She
        Was Already
        Trained for
        Hell of Life

        Yes As Living
        Without Electricity
        And Running Water
        Having to Climb Trees
        40 Feet Tall Overlooking
        Roofs of the Have’s Where

        Perhaps She Might Find Moist
        Fruit to Eat at 8 Years-Old True

        That Was the Start of How She Became
        Wonder Woman For Real too As She Walked
        in the Freezing Rain to School As There Was

        No Umbrella to Be Found at Home And She
        Couldn’t Catch the Bus As Her Home Didn’t
        Quite Reach the One Mile Away From School Limit For That

        As When She Reached School The So-called Christian Kids
        Spit on Her in the Lunch Line For Folks With Reduced Price

        For Being Poor

        Like They Did With
        me For Being A Boy

        Who Dared to Smile

        As The S0-called
        Christian Soldier
        Marching Boys

        Said Boys

        Aren’t allowed
        to Smile at Either
        The City Park or

        Middle School Halls

        Well Yeah Guess What

        i Am Leg Pressing Over 666 Kilograms
        of Weight 12 Reps At the Military Gym
        i Retired From As A Federal Civilian
        Employee At Marine Major
        Grade Pay Retiring
        Early For Almost

        15 Years Now
        Since i Started
        Sick and Annual
        Leave Back in January
        of 2008 Officially Retiring
        Early in Summer of 2009

        True i Just Warm up With
        More than 666 Kilograms
        Now Actually Three-Quarters (1540 Pounds)
        of A Ton For Real Leg pressing all that Weight

        Hehe You’ve Heard About the Poetry Already HAha

        Life is All A Smile When A Smile is Real That’s All i Need to

        Know to Now
        New to Make

        Heaven Within
        Inside Above So
        Below And All Around Real
        Dear Ruchi i am Very Happy to
        See You HeaR 3 Days Before Christmas

        It’s Just Another Present the Gift of Your Soul
        to me With

        my FRiEnD
        Merry Christmas
        to India to You Dear FRiEnD


        With SMiLeS AGAiN

        SMiLes Dear FRiEnD

        If i Drop Dead At This
        Breath i Truly Lived
        This Gift of Life This Truly Living Now
        New Is Truly Naked Enough Whole Complete

        Living is Just Icing on the Cake of Living Death…

        Sadly Some Folks Never Find The Icing to Apply mY FRiEnD..:)


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