Beautiful, yet scary

Feeling emotionally connected with someone is one of the most beautiful, yet scary thing one can ever experience in life. Be it with a friend, a colleague, a family member, a neighbour or lover. If you are a person whose mind is very flexible, then emotional connections are never burdening for you. Because the quote ” The only constant in life is to change” feels so light to you. But if you are a person with a sensitive heart, then the emotional connection is not just a two-word term for you. It’s the heaviest feeling that your heart is too afraid to carry. Because it knows it has to carry their weight for a lifetime even when they hurt like hell, it can not shed them completely just like the cool hearts & chilled minds do. And once an emotional connection is damaged, you build the wall around your heart taller than before. The courage you once showed by opening up your heart in front of someone, exposing your vulnerable side, and sharing your secrets has eventually made you too weak, too coward. The world perceives you as strong & brave because you handle all your problems on your own. Even sometimes you feel proud of yourself that you have become emotionally independent and none has any idea about what you are going through. But have you ever thought about how much cowardice you have accumulated inside by faking yourself brave outside! Have you ever thought about how long will you keep your feelings to yourself without sharing anything with anybody! Have you ever thought about how long can you keep your heart shut for everyone because of your bitter experience! Have you ever thought about how much injustice you are doing to yourself! I know you too want to be like those cool & chilled personalities and you hate that emotional sensitive side of yours. You want to run ahead. You want to meet new people. You want to connect to them. You want to listen to their stories & tell yours. But you become unable. You become unable how hard you may try. That pain of past buzzes in your head & pulls your heart back. That pain you felt when the friendship, the bond you had thought would last for a lifetime had broken to pieces. How can you forget those days when everything felt like an illusion! How can you forget those days when you were rewarded with brutal infidelity for your unquestionable trust! How can you forget those days when only pillow was there for giving you warmth & the shower for chill! How can you again believe that the world is good & humans are not bad! It is difficult. Infact it feels near to impossible. Because some days you feel like you had lost all your softness. And some days you backstep to connect to people with the fear of repeating the mistake. Isn’t this feeling contradictory? How can you be hurt if you think that you have turned into a boulder? The thing is that what you think of yourself is not right. You have not lost all your softness. You have not turned less humane. Dear, you have just transformed into someone better. But the best is yet to come. And for that, you have to learn from the past instead of grieving for that. Emotional connections are beautiful. They are really beautiful. You make them ugly, you name them scary, and you blame them just because of a bad experience or two. And in their shadow you forget to notice many other beautiful emotional connections because of whom you laugh, you cry, you feel alive. Life is a journey where you are meant to bump into people. But only with some, you will feel connected. Among them, some will stay & some will leave. So in anticipation of losing those who will leave, you shouldn’t lose those who want to stay, whom you want to stay. And dear, in this process of growing up, don’t evolve into someone who you are not originally. I mean to say, don’t be ashamed of your sensitive side, don’t try hard to crush it. Just be attentive & wise enough to not let anyone crush your dignity & peace.
©ruchiabhisikta

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