Smearing yoghurt

Saga of my interaction with that semi-known stranger was something like this.

1. The night before I texted him, my mind had turned into a pendulum oscillating between should & shouldn’ts. Some Quora solutions were dragging me towards the north & some towards the south. Suggestions of Nirlipta, Ellora, Tanisha, Sweta didi & Banaja were dipping me in the pool of perplexity. Even my nervousness projected me to the height of horoscope. In the morning, I chanted the names of all the deities I worship & the mantras I know. Finally putting a fullstop to my confusion & without drawing more question marks on my decision-making ability, my thumb did an adventure on the land of the keyboard.
2. I know that appearance is deceptive. But when you try to defend yourself by searching for faults in other person, you definitely find some. Maybe that was the case when I had seen his photos for the first time. His pose & his expression had already made him a tempered & serious man inside my head. But this time his speed of accepting my friend request & the humour in his comment box made me somewhat convinced that my interpretation might be wrong then. This gave me some courage to do what I wanted to do at the moment, by closing the guidebook of right & wrongdoing for sometime.
3. I wanted to irritate him so that I could know the threshold of his coolness & weight of his ego. But he was smart enough to deal with my absurd criticism. Neither he bowed down nor he argued. Instead, he exposed my Instagram illiteracy. But that didn’t feel like an insult. He conveyed that in a familiar manner, just in the way a friend makes fun & a brother teases. My idea of censuring him acted as a boomerang.
4. I don’t know if mami was an ardent fan of him or she was trying to lure me. But she used to praise him a lot as if she had known him for ages. That had sown some anger in my mind. But that anger had never burgeoned into my anxiety. That just remained dormant for a year & half. But now all I wanted to do is to prove mami wrong. An evil idea struck in my head at a point of time. I thought to take screenshot of the photos where he had sat cosily amidst girls. So that they can be used as evidence when mami will tell me about any guy. Then I can tell her that you are choosing such people for me & describing them as good. Later I realized that this thought was not my wickedness, but my foolishness. Because if I do so, I will be questioned how I recognised this guy as mami had never shown me his photos. But I came across them by chance while scrolling her phone.
5. After talking to him as a stranger, fear & guilt invaded me so much that I was unable to sit near my study table. I was immersed in hundreds of what-ifs. What if he also knows me the way I know him! What if he will know about it one day!What if one day someone will do the same thing with me that I did with him! But telling him the truth had more danger associated. What if he will think that I sent him request to stalk his profile! What if he will assume that I am interested in him! What if he will consider me as a badass! What if he will tell these to others! What if babamami will know about it someday! A feeling of shiver. An end to all the anticipations. And the conclusion was that there is no need to tell the truth to a person whom I don’t know properly.
6. Next day the storm of guilt hit me again. I opened the notes & wrote whatever was there in my mind. I told him everything. I was expecting that a stranger would keep this secret safe & would not judge me. I liked the way he understood this normalcy of the human psyche. But he must have got annoyed with my ignorance towards his questions. I had already said him many things for the sake of lightening the burden of guilt from my head. And I didn’t want to disclose anything more. At that moment, I just wanted to block him & end this thing there itself with the hope that God will save me.
7. After all these things happened, a slight change in the behaviour of babamami started scaring me & bombarded me with many suspicions. But somewhere my instinct had a belief that he was not that cold-blooded to put me in trouble. Still one day another surge of fear crashed me & made me crave a confirmation that he had not told anyone anything. This time, he didn’t respond even after my pleading, asking & apologizing. My trick of ignoring his questions backfired me. I had no option other than vomiting the answers one by one. Anyways, his assuring words lessened my panic a bit.
8. Somewhere I had listened that he is a relative of Kittie. But I was not sure about the exact bond between them. And this thought had not struck in my conscience before talking to him. When he said that Kittie is his sister-in-law & he could have asked her regarding me if he wished to, I was like whaaaaat. I was interrogating myself if there is a way back from this point. Although I was neck dipped in nervousness, curiosity & naivety took a toll on me. And made me ask & tell him some more idiotic things.
9. We often see that handwriting of doctors are the inked curves which are too tough to be traced back. But he just types the texts so clear without any abbreviation. Even he elongates the ellipsis, a little more.
10. Today when I was introspecting if I actually committed a blunder by talking to him, I didn’t find what was wrong with it. It was all about my fears, fear of being judged, fear of being blamed, fear of lowering the prestige of my parents. Nothing more, nothing less. In fact, I found some kindness in that person with crossed arms & serious no smile face. I got to know that the person who looks like a roadside robber wearing red shirt & black goggles also looks like a gentle human in black and blue. Before, I had remembered him as a nasty guy for whom my baba had once got angry with me & my mami had not talked to me for a day or two. Now I can call him a known-cum-unknown person with whom I had a conversation once upon a time.
    ©ruchiabhisikta

I have titled this post “Smearing yoghurt” because talking to him glossed my audacity just the way smearing yoghurt on the face cleanses it.
Hehe. Just kidding.
I picked up this title so that I can remember his complex name as long as my tibia fibula stay strong.

🤐The beautiful compliments he gifted me are-

“I have seen many deaths. But I am unable to see a ghost till date. Maybe that gap will be filled if I see you.”

“Your maturity level has not even attended nursery. Inorder to prove your parents wrong, you are playing cheap little nasty tricks on me. You are on a whole new different level in assassinating my character. You have a sick mentality. You are a nibbi. You always seek acknowledgement.”

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