Sometimes smile lies

They ask me “How do I smile with hundreds of bullets piercing my heart?” This is not a question meant to be answered, but a taunt meant to hurt, a compliment meant to praise.
This is a success story which they have assumed inside their heads & want to follow it. This is a tragic experience which their minds have braided & want to pour their sympathy on it. Little did they know that my smile is a paradox that makes them think, wonder, confuse & keeps them one step away from concluding. My smile is the place where my pain hides & my bravery marches. My bravery is a kid learning to climb each day one stair more & my pain is its mother who became pregnant on the day when it failed to find a pair of ears to listen to it for the sake of lessening it instead of judging, sympathising, normalising & joking. Since that day my vulnerability became a confidential conversation between my heart and my mind without letting anyone guess anything about it. I remember the days when tears rolled down my cheeks while sharing the weight of my pain & they tag my tears as attention seeker without realizing that just a bit of support I was needing badly. I remember the days when I told them what I was going through and instantly I became a sentimental fool in their eyes. When that sentimental fool grew into a matured human by plastering her vulnerability with a layer of smile, they suddenly became anxious to know the reason behind this. You know what, people will not understand your pain until they read your suicide letter & pain will not leave you until you draw red hearts beside your name. You can’t draw red hearts beside your name until you stop apologizing for the mistakes you haven’t done, until you stop feeling sorry for the faults that were destined to happen, until you stop trying to fit into everyone’s frames of perfection,  until you start running towards your dream clutching your passion & carrying your determination without contemplating who is pondering what about you.
©ruchiabhisikta

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