In all these years, I have discovered some parts of me which are unloved my most people.
1. BabaMami first, always. Every other person comes next to them. I can embrace selfishness to expand the realm of their happiness.
2. You will get tired of asking, but I won’t say a word what you wanna listen. On the other hand my best friend, Nirlipta gets tired of listening, convincing, scolding me but I never stop blabbering until I get tired.
3. I don’t know how to ignore people without letting them know. I don’t know how to care for people without letting them know. That’s why some people call me coldblooded, some people consider me caring.
4. I respond too late, too less in social media. I think that there is a thin line between being known and being friend, a thinner line between being casual friend and good friend.
5. I don’t want to, but I get upset when BabaMami forget some little things about me in their busy lives, when my best friend appreciates someone too much in front of me. I fear to get replaced in the life of persons who are irreplaceable for me. Sometimes I need undivided attention, unconditional pampering.
6. Some people misinterpret me as a scanty feeder looking at the content of my plate. My brother says that in my stomach, there is not so large chamber for rice n dal, a large chamber for fast food, a larger chamber for sweets. Maybe he isn’t wrong.
7. I hate it when someone looks at me when I try to dig the dishes using a fork. I love when Mami feed me not so delicious dishes in her hand.
8. I get confused while choosing the flavour of ice cream. I look at the sweets for some good minutes and then decide which one to eat first. You will find me perplexed amidst the Chinese cuisine.
9. I don’t let people come near me easily because I fear they will go away one day. If you come near me breaking my fear, building the wall of trust, your place will be kept safe always inside my conscience. I’m not that strong enough to let you go. But I will never say it aloud.
10. Those few people who feel a lot like home are the victims of my temper, tantrum and mood swings. For the rest of the world, I am a calm girl who never gets angry.
11. I am not a hardcore feminist. I respect men, accept their roles in all stages of life. But don’t expect the same when I am on my periods. During that time men feel a lot like the enemy, who get a greater share of joy because of the partiality of the Almighty.
12. I read the same things from at least two places, compare them, analyse them and forget to mug up them even on the day before the exam. Selective reading hasn’t yet been my cup of tea till now.
13. You may find it cool to booze and smoke. But I find the persons cooler who never taste a drop of alcohol or try a puff of smoke. And I find the persons coward who push these vices towards so-called cool terms like peer pressure, curiosity, stress relief etc.
14. My ugly laugh doesn’t need big reasons to come out. And it lingers until my cheeks ache; My lacrimal glands don’t need strong stimulation to become active. And my tears flow until my nose cries.
15. In today’s age of bf gf, I still believe that love is traditionally most beautiful. I believe that there is no need to confess your love to your she/he & explain your private matters to the world until you confess the same in front of your parents and get the approval.
16. Messiness in my space or around it makes me mad. I try hard to remain silent it is caused by any friend or relative. But if the culprit is my brother, I can’t stop myself from being violent.
17. I don’t say that physical appearance doesn’t matter. It matters, but much less than the beauty of your soul. I never think that money doesn’t matter. It matters, but much less than the pricelessness of your virtues.
18. I don’t think that self-love is all about loving yourself. I think self-love is all about filling yourself with too much love so that you will feel the terrible need to donate it to others.
19. I let the nasty criticism of people flow with my tears. I let the sugary compliments of people fly in the wind of ignorance. After some time I feel like Abhisikta, adorned with my unique ordinariness, crowned with my flawed qualities.
P.S – I have written this piece back on 23.12.2019. Today I bumped into it again & thought to post it in my blog. Anyways, I realized that in last 8 months I have succeeded to leave the darkness written on point no. 3 & 9. And I am happy for this improvement of mine.